I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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