i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
