I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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