not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
