You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
