you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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