I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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