another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
