Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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