sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he fucked my hip out of place.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
