I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you never un-have a 4some
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
