i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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