How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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