why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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