Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
