There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
