then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
