Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
