Swine flu. Run for my life!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
