I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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