perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
