I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
