he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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