I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
