i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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