To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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