end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
