I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
