Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
