Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
