i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
