Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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