I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
