Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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