There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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