he thought i was a dude.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
