i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
