Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
