i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
