tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
