"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
