i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
