I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
