I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
