absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
