stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want nice things and good sex
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
