After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
