Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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