The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
