Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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