I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
