Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
