So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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