also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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