Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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