There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
